The Yacht

 Just a couple of things before I start. I will never reveal my mate's name, out of respect for his family and any potential embarrassment it could/would cause them. Our friendship covered  40+ years, until his passing. He was able to relax and let the "ratbag" in him surface when we got together, unlike the serious businessman he usually had to be. Generally, we spent most of our time creating practical jokes towards each other, no holds barred. The only rule was "no-one got hurt". However, the better the joke, the wilder the retribution....and there was ALWAYS retribution. You have no idea how much I miss him.

Now, to the yacht.

In my mid twenties (circa 1970) I bought a little 7 metre, plywood sloop, which I kept moored at a marina near Glenelg, in Adelaide. Over time, I became bored with it and it spent most of its time at its mooring. 

My mate used to borrow it quite often and wanted to buy it. I always said no, just to see the disappointment on his face. He responded by ordering an expensive bottle of wine, when it was my turn to buy, during one of our Friday lunches. We both knew what was happening but chose to pretend that we didn't. It was just part of the game.

One day, after a particularly heavy storm, the yacht filled with water and sank at its mooring. The marina manager broke the news to me and asked if I wanted raised. When I found that only a metre of its mast was above the waterline, I had a great idea for a prank, as I was behind on the practical joke scorecard, at the time.

Yep! You know what's coming.

I phoned my mate and casually asked him if he still wanted to buy the yacht. We agreed on $1500 and arranged to exchange the documents and mooring lease for the cash at Friday's lunch. On his way home, he called into the marina to let the manager know the boat was his and to lodge the transfer of the mooring lease. It was only when the manager asked if wanted the yacht raised that he realised the problem.

The phone call I received that night was decidedly frosty, not helped by my cackling laughter. Strangely, and quite unexpectedly, he swore revenge. That only made absolutely roar with laughter.

After about a month of no Friday lunches, things seemed to have calmed down. The lunches resumed and he seemed to have forgotten or forgiven. I should have known that he was only biding his time. Stupid me!

At this time, it was my standard practice to close my office at lunch time, every Friday. My office girl had a final job for the weekend, which was to get a taxi and collect all our outstanding accounts for the week and take them home. prior to banking on Monday. One Monday, she came into my office to tell me she didn't feel safe using taxis for the Friday collections. I understood and agreed to buy a car for her to use to and from work and the Friday task. It was a great idea and she was really happy.

One of my mate's many business was a new car dealership, so I called him to see if he had a reasonably cheap car for my office girl to use. Of course he obliged. He told me that one of his employees would deliver a blue Holden for $900, the next day. It was "off the books" so he wanted cash. I agreed. That should have sounded alarm bells. My bad!

As promised, the next day a young guy came to my office, handed me the car keys and left with the cash. I gave the keys to my office girl and told her it was the blue Holden in the car park. She was overjoyed. She ran downstairs and jumped into the car to see how it drove.

Several minutes later, she came upstairs, quite upset that the car wouldn't start. It was then i guessed this was a bit of revenge for the yacht and he had sold me a car with a flat battery. I went down to see if I could start it. Nothing! When I lifted the bonnet, there was nothing there. No engine! Bastard! He had had the car towed there and pushed into the drive!

Naturally, having totally lost my cool, my phone call was a tad abusive. In between fits of laughter, he told me I had just bought the car and the engine was available for another $600. Do the sums. It took me a few weeks to stop spitting the dummy and restart Friday lunches. Well played! A great revenge. Ten points to him.

The rub was that my office girl had a huge crush on him (not a problem) and when she found out what had really happened, she fell about in fits of laughter, every time she looked at me. That was a problem for my fragile ego.

I can feel your sympathy for me.....not.